I guess when I imagined being a doula, I imagined other women's births through the lens fashioned by my own experience. The moment when mama meets baby. Working hard, breathing through contractions, pushing baby out. No drama, no worry, no tubes and cords and beeping and whooshing. Just warm water, soft voices and gentle hands. Trust in a woman's strength and wisdom. Trust in the natural process.
I'm not sure how my head got so far up my ass.
My births were beautiful, memorable, empowering. In fact, I can honestly say I love giving birth. I would do it again in less than a heartbeat. I am finding out first hand that most women don't have that experience.
The urge in the medical world to do MORE to "help" a woman birth her baby, to "help" a woman start her labor, to "help" things along a little is just utterly baffling to me. And it should be baffling to every single person in this country. Our c-section rate is abysmal-more than twice what is recommended by the WHO. Our maternal and infant mortality and morbidity rate is unacceptable for a first world country. I am at a hospital today that has 50% c-section rate for their induction patients. FIFTY PERCENT of women they try to "help" into labor end up with a major surgery instead of a vaginal birth. One would think that such a sad, sad statistic would beg some review of their standard procedures. Such as not "allowing" women to go past 41 weeks. Because...? A client of mine was actually told that there is no benefit to allowing a pregnancy to go past 40 weeks. She's a first time mom. Meaning she was likely to gestate to at least 41 weeks, if not more. The baby was doing great, the placenta was healthy, blood flow and fluid was good. All indicators that her pregnancy was continuing in a healthy, productive, safe manner. And yet...
This is the second time this month my first time mom ended up with a c-section. The first one as a prostaglandin induction. Sort of sneaky. They didn't tell her it was an induction. And these were midwives. Very, VERY disheartening. The second was a full-on, strong-armed, get-your-ass-to-L&D bully induction. She knew she wasn't ready. Her body knew it. And then, after 31 hours of going through the meat grinder ("going through the ringer" doesn't actually capture the spirit of it), the baby knew it and told everyone else what mama knew from the outset -this was a bad idea. And yet, the OB's act like they had nothing to do with it! One actually said "sometimes this happens when a baby truly won't fit, and it's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault." I know they say this to make the mom feel better, but it is just not true. It is the fault of the OB who said "You are not allowed to continue this perfectly healthy pregnancy because I think you've been pregnant too long."
So what is a doula to do in the face of this? I can't make the decisions for the family. I can't change the minds of the doctors. I usually can't even outright say "I think this is a terrible idea." Toeing the line between helping the client get all the information and being respectful of their choices - even when I don't agree with them - is really really hard. At what point do you shut up and let something happen? How do you stand by when everything you see is headed the wrong direction and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the course of events? How do you do it?
So it happened again. And I believe even more strongly about the importance of my role in the process than I did a month ago. But how can you hold a sacred space for the most beautiful, challenging work she will ever do when those responsible for her care and physical well being won't just leave well enough alone?
This is not a rhetorical question. Someone answer it for me. Please.
Posted with Blogsy